SEX THERAPY: FOCUS ON PLEASURE
Sensate focus was an important component of Marvin and Caroline’s sex therapy program. Sensate focus is a fancy term which simply refers to a series of graduated exercises designed to increase physical pleasure while keeping anxiety to a minimum. It begins with nongenital touching and progresses, after several sessions, to intercourse. The aim of sensate focus is to increase pleasure and knowledge of your own and your partner’s body, to remove any performance pressure to have intercourse (usually intercourse is prohibited during the first several exercises) and to move away from feeling that intercourse is the only “good” form of sex. Sensate focus helps lovers change their definition of a good, satisfying sexual experience to include a variety of behaviors, attitudes and pleasures.
Like many couples these days, Marvin and Caroline had found it difficult just to have enough time for sex, let alone intimacy. They both worked at demanding jobs and often felt exhausted when they came home. Because they were so fatigued, it was difficult to recharge and concentrate just on each other. The sex therapy program, with its homework assignments, required Marvin and Caroline to devote time and energy to their relationship, to each other and to physical intimacy.
After the initial interviews and a discussion of expectations and goals, Marvin and Caroline were ready to begin the sensate focus exercises. The first week they were instructed to caress, touch and enjoy each other, but avoid any genital and breast touching. The exercises progressed week by week until intercourse was allowed. Some couples, like Marvin and Caroline, find that erections occur early in the program. Sex therapy clients are typically instructed not to take advantage of such events, but to continue with the program as instructed. That’ s because the exercises are supposed to teach partners to enjoy each other and to learn what feels good without having intercourse, or the pressure to perform. If such enjoyment can be learned, future occasional bouts of “erectile failure” will not stand in the way of sexual pleasure.
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