PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AT THE TIME OF CANCER: LOSS OF CONTROL
You may spend days when you feel completely powerless to do anything – the loss of control over what is happening to your body can make you feel that the same has happened to the rest of your life. Most of us are not doctors, let alone cancer specialists, so our ignorance about the disease and its treatment contributes to our sense of helplessness. We can learn a certain amount from books and leaflets, but we still remain in the dark in terms of understanding exactly what is happening and why.
If you are also feeling physically low, this can make you feel even more helpless. If you have previously worked but are now too ill to do so, or you led an active life with regular commitments which you can no longer fulfil, the sense that your life is out of your control can be cruelly emphasized. It may be that you need help with personal tasks you could manage perfectly easily before, and you fear becoming increasingly dependent on your family or nursing staff for basic necessities. Living with cancer can take considerable adjustment.
How can you maintain some control over your life when you feel that events and other people are taking over? It is hard to accept that you need more help and support than before, especially if you are usually very independent. You can start by trying to become well-informed about your treatment and progress, and you can still take decisions for yourself. Let your family and friends know that your cancer does not mean that you can no longer think for yourself, even if sometimes you can’t muster the enthusiasm even to decide between chips or mashed potatoes! Although there may be times when you feel too ill to be interested in what is happening around you, it is important for you to feel that you are still treated as an individual, and not just a cancer patient.
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